THE DOWAGER LADY CRABTREE is a comedy character created in
April 1978 by author and entertainer Paul James -
although don't spoil it for your audience by revealing the secret!
HOW IT ALL BEGAN......
In the Summer of 1976 PAUL JAMES was introduced to the comedy double act of Patrick Fyffe and George Logan - HINGE & BRACKET - and was inspired by this extremely clever female impersonation, where the line between reality and make-believe became blurred. He saw many of their live performances over the next twenty-five years, met Patrick Fyffe on numerous occasions, and in 1985 Dame Hilda Bracket wrote the Foreword to one of Paul's books. Today Paul is very proud to own two of Dame Hilda's original stage costumes.
It was while appearing in cabaret in 1978 that Paul James decided to create his own character - and Lady Crabtree made her first public appearance. Originally intended to be a single performance only, Paul was surprised by the audience demand to see more of Lady C - and so the act began to develop.
Wanting Lady Crabtree to be as credible as Hinge & Bracket, yet completely different in style and character, he avoided their cosy nostalgia and made Lady C very much a woman of her times. The redoubtable Lady Crabtree told stories of her marital problems with husband Claude (chairman of the mid-Yorkshire Swine Breeders' Federation); the difficulties she had encountered on marrying into the aristocracy; the embarrassment caused by her twin sister Millicent (currently on husband number five), and was not afraid to air her views about public figures - especially when Mrs Thatcher entered Downing Street in 1979.
Although Lady Crabtree occasionally sang, there was a deliberate attempt to avoid comparison with Hinge & Bracket and she lacked Dame Hilda's incredible operatic skills. Lady C was much more likely to launch into a Joyce Grenfell style monologue... plus she was just a touch more glamorous.
Various invitations soon came in and Lady Crabtree judged a fancy dress competition and a beauty contest in Devon; made a presentation to Sir Anthony Harris (the son of 'Bomber' Harris) in London, and by 1982 had appeared on a celebrity panel game for BBC Radio 2, had undertaken many press interviews for newspapers and magazines, continued to perform in hotels, and frequently aired her views in the media. She made her first TV appearance on the popular BBC 1 programme 'Pebble Mill at One' , and wrote two books that became international best-sellers, for which she made extensive promotional tours across the UK and undertook the inevitable bookshop signings at well-known stores in towns and cities across the country.
The act developed further when Lady Crabtree was joined on stage by her son GILES CRABTREE in 1984, followed a year later by her old chum from Finishing School days MORAG AUCHTERMUCHTY.
Since 1991 Lady Crabtree has performed mostly as a solo act. She appears at a variety of functions each year, entertaining a number of clubs groups and societies, is regularly booked to appear at special events and anniversaries, and is a popular speaker giving many talks and loves acting as compere at events.
In 2024 Lady Crabtree celebrates 46 years in public life.
With clean, genteel humour, reminiscences and no offensive language, Lady Crabtree brings merriment to any occasion. If you can't get royalty, then book Lady C !
FIRST APPEARANCE
LADY CRABTREE made her first appearance on stage in April 1978. Entertainer PAUL JAMES had recently played a character called CRABTREE in Alan Bennett's comedy 'Forty Years On' for Newpalm Productions at the Civic Theatre, Chelmsford. One of his tutors at University had been an extremely elegant and dignified lady called CONSTANCE Elliot. And so, thanks to a much admired tutor and playwright Alan Bennett, 'Constance, Lady Crabtree' acquired her name.
In the early days Lady Crabtree would tell of her birth in Sussex, where she was born plain Constance Battersby (long before the television soap "Coronation Street" introduced a family called Battersby in 1997!) - and originally Lady C had a Yorkshire accent. Some of the comedy derived from the fact that she looked like a lady, but didn't sound like one. As the character developed, however, it became clear that audiences wanted her to be an aristocrat and so she very quickly adopted the 'cut glass' speaking voice that she has today.
At her first appearances she was billed as 'Lady Constance Crabtree', and people began to refer to her as 'Lady Constance'. But as she made it clear on stage that she had not actually been born into the aristocracy, and had acquired her title through marriage, she soon heard from Burke's Peerage. Experts pointed out that if she had been born with a title in her own right (like Lady Diana Spencer) then she could be called 'Lady Constance', but as she had only married into the aristocracy then, for the sake of accuracy, she should be known instead as LADY CRABTREE.
With the correct title and the right accent, Lady Crabtree's public life began in earnest. Just one final change was to come in 1984 - when her husband Claude 'popped his clogs' (as they say in Yorkshire!) this very merry widow became known as THE DOWAGER LADY CRABTREE
LADY CRABTREE & SON
Lady Crabtree has not always appeared as a solo act....
In 1984 actor DAVID McEWAN joined the act to create the character of Lady Crabtree's son Giles. As David did a superb impression of Prince Charles, Giles Crabtree bore an uncanny resemblance to the Prince of Wales. This led to the suggestion that Lady C had once had an affair with a member of the Royal Family. It was never revealed which...
♦ During 1984 a professional choreographer was employed to invent some song and dance routines, and Lady Crabtree began taking singing lessons with the late Chris Edwards so that songs could be introduced into the act.
♦ Sir Anthony Harris composed a piece of music called "The Lady Crabtree Waltz" and a song that was used in performance: "Diamonds Last Longer Than Love".
♦ A cocktail was named after her and is featured in Derek Nimmo's book "Shaken & Stirred", Granada Books 1984.
♦ In 1984 Lady Crabtree's portrait was painted by artist Ben Anderson.
♦ On the 40th Anniversary of VE Day in 1985, Giles and Lady Crabtree attended a ball at Porchester Hall in London dressed as Prince Charles and the Queen - winning £100 first prize for the best costume.
Due to filming commitments (appearing in 'Mona Lisa' with Bob Hoskins) David McEwan was unable to pursue the role of the Crabtrees' wayward child. Lady Crabtree's husband Claude therefore disinherited their elder son... and Giles was never seen in public again!
ENTER MORAG AUCHTERMUCHTY...
In September 1985 the entertainer KENNETH SUTHERLAND created the character Morag Auchtermuchty.
MORAG AUCHTERMUCHTY (nee Echelfechan) was Lady Crabtree's oldest chum, the pair having met at finishing school (Madame Bernice's Academy of Refinement and Beauty in Gripe Street, London).
The addition of the earthy Morag from Scotland, with tales of husband Angus (and his whisky distillery producing Glenmuchty Whisky), wastrel son Ewan, and the hefty daughter Katriona ("She's down to eighteen stone now," Morag would say gleefully) gave Lady Crabtree a whole new direction.
When Lady Crabtree's husband Claude died unexpectedly in 1984 - face down in the 'bombe surprise' at a dinner party - "Thankfully, it left no lasting stain on my double damask." - Lady C was left with massive death duties. Taking pity on her, Queen Elizabeth II offered Lady Crabtree the post of "Relief Woman of the Bedchamber" and Morag also joined the Royal Household as "Part-time dresser and fashion adviser to Her Majesty when at Balmoral."
Connie and Morag told stories of their royal employment on numerous radio interviews across the UK, and Lady Crabtree wrote two books THE SECRET JOURNALS OF QUEEN ELIZABETH II (Columbus Books 1988/Virgin Books 1990/Belvarosi 1993), which became a best seller in Hungary and Thailand, and THE SECRET ROYAL LOVE LETTERS (Virgin Books 1990) - which the pair promoted widely on radio and TV, undertaking numerous bookshop signing sessions across the UK, made personal appearances, and gave many newspaper interviews. Lady Crabtree also spoke at the Manchester Library Theatre and to students at the Cambridge Union.
Lady Crabtree and Morag Auchtermuchty last appeared together in 1991 when Morag returned to live in Scotland. For the past 30 years Lady Crabtree has performed mostly as a solo act.
SO WHAT HAS LADY CRABTREE DONE?
In the early days she was invited to open events, judge competitions, present prizes, make comic speeches or entertain with monologues and stories about her life and family. Soon Lady C branched into compering shows and making personal appearances at corporate functions. Bookings were as varied as giving a talk to students at the Cambridge Union to entertaining "ladies who lunch" at hotels and golf clubs. From the glamour of Porchester Hall in London, to the gritty reality of Working Men's Clubs, the intrepid aristocrat graced many stages across the UK with an itinerary that took her to Brighton, London, Birmingham, Bristol, Liverpool, Leeds, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Blackburn, Gloucester, Manchester and Cambridge.
Settling in Eastbourne in 1999, Lady Crabtree began giving many talks each month to various clubs, groups and societies across East and West Sussex, Surrey and Kent. Sometimes travelling further afield, Lady C spoke at Ladies' Lunch Clubs in Cardiff, Rochford and Stratford-upon-Avon.
RADIO & TV
Thanks to broadcaster Gyles Brandreth, Lady Crabtree first appeared on radio in 1982 ('Funny Peculiar', BBC Radio 4, with June Whitfield, Sandra Dickinson, Brian Johnston, Barry Cryer, Nicholas Parsons, Roger Cook, Dr Magnus Pyke and Clement Freud) and made her television debut in 1988 (Pebble Mill at One, BBC 1) when she was interviewed by Alan Titchmarsh and Judy Spiers. She has since made many broadcasts on both radio and TV worldwide, including The James Whale Show (ITV), an chat with Dame Margot Hamilton on Channel 5, and even made two commercials for an American tea and coffee shop.
THE 21st CENTURY
In 1999 Lady Crabtree settled permanently in East Sussex, a county that embraced her and soon bookings were coming in to give talks and make personal appearances across the South East. She became the doyen of WIs, Townswomen's Guilds and Ladies' Lunch Clubs. She appeared in a number of stage shows - notably a show at the Grove Theatre to mark her 40 years in public life in 2018, and "The Good Life Show" at Eastbourne's Winter Garden theatre. She compered Old Time Music Hall, appeared in a poignant show to mark the centenary of World War I, and entertained at venues such as the De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill (550 former Girl Guides at a Trefoil Guild Annual meeting) and at Clare Hall in Haywards Heath (360 members of NAFAS). Her diary regularly filled with bookings to speak at special birthday and anniversary events, and she became a champion for elderly people with her comic celebrations of maturity, with talks such as "How To Grow Old Disgracefully", "Glad To Be Grey" and "You're Never Too Old".
In 2012 Lady Crabtree was honoured when the Scottish firm Mesmerick added
Lady Crabtree's Old Fashioned Lavender Soap to their range of products.
In 2018 Lady Crabtree was a finalist in the Eastbourne Business Awards, having been shortlisted for the
Lifetime Achievement Award and the Outstanding Contribution to the Community Award.
In 2019 Lady Crabtree became Patron of the East Sussex-based charity, the Association of Carers.
In 2022, after 44 years of entertaining, often nationwide, Lady Crabtree decided to reduce the amount of travel and now tries to only accept bookings within East Sussex - although this still often means speaking at 100 events a year. Retirement does not seem to be a possibility!
LADY CRABTREE's OFFICIAL BIOGRAPHY
CONSTANCE MAY ROSE BATTERSBY was born in Warrior Square Gardens, St Leonard's-on-Sea, East Sussex, on 1st May 1948; her twin sister Millicent was delivered shortly afterwards. This was not only a shock to their mother - who hadn't realised that she was pregnant - but even more of a surprise to people taking a stroll through Warrior Square Gardens.
With parents in the theatre (performing as the variety double-act 'The Gay Goslings'), the girls travelled widely throughout childhood, and Constance completed her education at Madame Bernice's Academy of Refinement and Beauty in London. She met her husband-to-be, the Hon Claude Crabtree, at the Assembly Rooms in York during her twenty-first birthday ball. After a whirlwind romance, they were married on 1st July 1969 in the gloomy church of King Herod the Great on the Crabtree family estate, at Cleghorn St Percy, North Yorkshire. The couple later had twin sons, Giles (disinherited, 1983) and Miles (the present Lord Crabtree, 10th Baron, 1984).
When Claude's father (Montfort, 8th Baron Crabtree) died on 7th June 1977, Claude inherited the Barony and Constance became Lady Crabtree. It still rankles with her that, if he had died just a day earlier, she would not have been deprived of her seat in St Paul's Cathedral for the Queen's Silver Jubilee Service. She is convinced that he lingered deliberately, just to spite her.
Now a fully-fledged member of the aristocracy, her public life began in earnest in 1978, especially in connection with Lord Crabtree's role as Chairman of the Mid-Yorkshire Swine Breeders' Federation - the Crabtrees owning some of the largest sties in Yorkshire. A highlight of her early married life was when the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh came to a dinner at Crabtree Hall, which greatly improved Lady C's social standing as a society hostess. Continuing her family's interest in the theatre, Lady Crabtree became Patron of the Cleghorn Local Amateur Players (The CLAP) - a role she still endures to this day.
After Claude's untimely death at a dinner party in 1984, the Dowager Lady Crabtree found herself financially embarrassed - faced with astronomical death duties and Claude's gambling debts. Taking pity on her situation, the Queen offered her the post of Relief Woman of the Bedchamber within the Royal Household. In 1988, after publishing extracts from the Queen's diaries and letters, in the misguided belief that she was doing Her Majesty a great favour, Lady Crabtree unexpectedly found that her services were no longer required.
Now residing in Eastbourne, Lady Crabtree continues to fulfil an active public life. Since 2019 Lady Crabtree has been Patron of the Association of Carers and enjoys attending fundraising events.
